Where does Empowerment come from?

"YES. YES. YES. YOU DID IT CIARA. YOU DID IT. YOU ABSOLUTE QUEEN" I exclaimed as I bounced up and down on my bed, having just made my first proper release call.

Rewind 24 hours, and I lay on that same bed curled in foetal position, sobbing.

In 2022, I began a year long mindset and manifestation course which I signed up to with the intention of actualising my business vision and increasing my income in order to expand and grow the services that I offer.

Week 1 on the course was all about clearing blockages in order to establish steady foundations on which to build my dreams and visions. After completing the first module, which consisted of reflective journalling questions focussed on revealing my thought and behaviour patterns, I moved on to the second; Release.

A faint feeling of anxiety began to stir in the pit of my stomach. The end of the previous section had asked us to note down the ways in which we judge others and I had a growing feeling that the upcoming assignment was going to ask us to take action to repair those judgements.


As I came to end of the instructional video, it felt like my stomach hit the ground. My suspicions were correct. I was being asked to call 5 people and establish an open dialogue to talk honestly about the tension that had grown between us.

My resistance kicked in. "I don't have anything to release" "This is pointless" "Ringing that person is completely unnecessary" After I had soothed myself through the tears and fears, I began to psyche myself up, and sent out the messages to arrange the calls.

5 calls.

5 opportunities to express myself authentically.

5 chances to take responsibility for the part I have played in tension and conflict.
5 steps towards empowerment.

The word empowerment has taken on a life of it's own, particularly when used within the feminist movement. Often, this word can become intertwined with a harsh 'i don't take no shit' kind of attitude which I am coming to see is pretty problematic.

The problem with viewing empowerment as a zero tolerance policy is you move further and further away from love every time you cut someone out or demand that they listen to your way of seeing things without truly listening or trying to understand theirs.

Every time you project your insecurities onto others, you miss golden opportunities to build a deep, inner stability which starts and ends with taking responsibility for your ways of being. True empowerment develops when you bring forth the unconscious into your conscious awareness. Empowerment is a beautiful and dynamic dance between the energies of flow and containment; between listening and expressing.

Being able to sit with and truly experience the depths of discomfort that come with taking responsibility for how you have hurt others, requires so much more power than it does to tell somebody all of the things about their behaviour that needs to improve.

Stepping into empowerment, paradoxically, is a process of stepping into vulnerability. It takes a certain level of awareness and strength to be able to say two tiny words, "I'm sorry".

Contained within an apology, as well as the act of forgiveness that meets it, is the most powerful energy in the known universe; Love.

When you come home to Love, you fertilise the soil for peaceful, grounded empowerment to grow and to flourish.

How long will you continue in your anxieties, self-doubt, and insecurities before you drop the resistance and come home to Love?

Are you prepared to soften as you descend into discomfort in order to rise once more into empowerment?

Are you able to acknowledge where you are hurting others?

Are you willing to take responsibility for the part you play?

Empowerment comes from taking responsibility.

The saying goes that empowered women, empower women. So let's empower each other by seizing the opportunity to practice conscious communication and to normalise saying "I'm sorry" every once in a while.

Who are we trying to impress?

Who are we hiding from?

Nobody is perfect, and there is so much power in admitting that. This process allows us to soften into empowerment as women rather than trying to dominate and take charge like men. Let's honour our feminine polarity by learning to listen and in doing so elevate not only ourselves but everyone around us.

So, I will leave with you with an invitation. Next time conflict arises, redirect your focus from what the other person is doing to the part that you are playing. That is the part that holds the key to your everlasting empowerment

Top Tips for Taking Responsibility ✨

♡ Get familiar with your own trigger points.

There are many ways to do this and it's a case of experimenting and seeing what way works best for you. Journalling is one great way to self-reflect and start to see patterns in your own behaviours.

Taking time to write down how you feel and what thoughts you have regularly will mean that you catch the stories that are swirling around during times of conflict and over time, you will be able to spot the patterns.

For example, maybe a common theme that comes up for you is not feeling confident.You don't feel confident in your ideas, you don't feel confident to tell that person how you really feel, and you struggle to have full faith in your decisions. Now that you are aware of the pattern, you can start taking responsibility and identifying what action needs to be taken in order to find a solution.  

♡ During exchanges of conflict, stay present and communicate your experience.

Staying present with how you are feeling or what thoughts and stories are coming up for you is a really powerful way to stay connected to responsibility. Try constructing sentences such as the ones below so that you can express yourself clearly without pointing blame at the other person. "I am feeling..." "The story coming up for me is..." "What I understood from what you said was..."

♡ Changed behaviour is the most meaningful apology.

If somebody points something out to you that you feel the need to apologise for, take an immediate step to changing your behaviour around it so that you are more likely to follow through with it in future.
For example, if somebody that you work with points out that you forgot to carry out one of your assigned duties, write yourself a reminder and stick it somewhere visible as an immediate commitment to implementing the change.

It is good to practice this with simple, every day things, like in the example, so that you feel more comfortable and familiar with the process when it comes to bigger and more challenging subjects.