It has recently come to my attention that I have a bit of blind spot when it comes to compassion.
Growing up in my house, honesty was the top value and so it was (and still is) of the utmost importance that I always told the truth.
I am very grateful to my Mum for instilling this precious awareness within me and, in adulthood, it has occasionally got me into trouble when I have not cross referenced my truth with compassion.
This blind spot has become apparent in recent years when I have come away from a conversation or phone call having done what I thought was the right thing but have left somebody feeling hurt and upset.
In the Yoga Sutras, the ethical principles of the Yogic practice are listed in order, 5 ways to interact with those around us and 5 ways in which we should interact with ourselves.
The first ethical principle is Ahimsa meaning Non-violence and the second is Satya meaning truthfulness. This placement of Non-violence first is intentional.
The truth should never compromise your ability to be compassionate.
I know, I know, easier said than done but I believe it is possible, and really if you think about it, that's half the job. Firstly, it is important to recognise in situations of conflict or tension, that two opposing opinions held by two different people can in fact both be true at the same time.
Our feelings and our experiences are true and valid even if they contradict somebody else's.
In my experience, relationships with a life partner is where this principle can be the hardest to remember. The power struggles that we wrestle our way through with gritted teeth, determined to prove that we are right, are in fact, exhausting and a total waste of time!
Secondly, it is useful to contain your emotions for long enough to gain clarity on what you are actually feeling and what you need so that if you choose to express those feelings to the person that you are feeling upset with, they are clear, coherent and solution oriented.
Lastly, recognise the potential for growth that can come out of conflict if we approach the situation with consciousness and compassion.
This rings true both if you are somebody that tends to avoid expressing themselves or are more familiar with dominating spaces with your emotions.
Expressing your feelings clearly - Tips & Tricks✨
♡ Take the time to do a first draft!
When you are in the middle of an emotion storm, take some time to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal or record yourself on a voice note and read/listen back. This allows you to get clear on exactly what the trigger is as well as how you want to express yourself to the person or people in question.
♡ Speak from your inner experience
When it comes time to have the difficult conversation, speak only about how specific events made you feel and what happens within your body & mind as a result. (This is why the first draft reflection step is so important, otherwise you don't know what happens within you!)
This is the opposite of telling the other person that they caused your upset or it's their fault that you are crying.
Example in a relationship - "When we don't start the day together, I feel a bit lost and disconnected"
Instead of "You never make an effort with me in the morning"
Remember, two people's experiences are equally valid, even if they are polar opposites. If you open up the space to express how certain events make you feel, then it's only fair that you are open to holding space and listening to the response from the other person.
Ciara Nicole X
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