How to ACTUALLY let go!

On NYE 2020, I was alone in bed with seriously painful period cramps. The cramps were not only physical but emotional waves of energy surging through my mind and body, intensifying with each one that passed. I had planned to go out that night and found it difficult to accept that this was one of those moments where it was time to really listen to my body.

It took a couple of hours for the realisation to sink in that cycling 30 minutes in the damp & cold winter weather of Manchester was the exact opposite of what my body was calling for as Day 1 of my period came on with full force.

Although my mind fought it, I was in fact, looking at a night alone and in pain on what society tells us is supposed to be the 'biggest celebration of the year'.

As my pain intensified and my nervous system kicked into a heightened state, I realised that I was in fact having a panic attack. I began to experience intense flashbacks. Flashbacks about my little brother Jamie, who passed away in a freak accident during our family holiday in Tenerife when I was 13. Images, sounds, and memories were flooding into my awareness in between waves of pain.

I had grieved for Jamie at the time of his passing in the way that I knew how, as a 13 year old, and I even had some sessions of therapy which was aimed at young people and teenagers who experienced loss, but this was a new layer of pain that I had not felt before in such a visceral way.

A few days later, I made the decision to reach out for some counselling support to explore these flashbacks in more depth.  

During one of the sessions with my counsellor, I had a very clear lightbulb moment when we were discussing one of my behaviour patterns in relationships and how it linked to the loss of my little brother Jamie.

I had, and still have the remanence of a very powerful fear that when I am away from my partner, be it for 2 days or 2 months, that I won't ever see him again. Intense bouts of anxiety can occur within me because some part of me believes that going away from each other will result in permanent loss, just like it did with Jamie.

Feeling your way through pain, discomfort, and inner challenges deepens your understanding of yourself and your ways of being. In this way, understanding transforms from a mental concept to a lived experience.

Understanding why we do the things we do can bring a powerful feeling of liberation and self-acceptance.

From a place of integrated understanding of why we think, speak, and act in the ways that we do, we are able to treat ourselves with much more kindness and compassion as we would a friend. Once you allow enough space to understand the root cause of a behaviour pattern that you hold, and truly feel into it, your actions and reactions begin to make sense.

You free yourself from the belief that there is something inherently wrong with you and you create space to realise that you are just a human being who is reacting and responding to their environment and ultimately, you’re just trying your bloody best; as we all are.

In my case, I believe that this intensely painful realisation through the channel of my monthly moon cycle, was in fact my body shouting for my attention. All too often before that night, I would ignore my body's needs and signals, instead favouring the strong and fiery drive of my mind. But that night, the night I spent alone in bed and in pain on New Years Eve, that was the night I begun to listen, the night I begun to soften my resistance.

My relationship with my body and my emotional memory are in a very different place now. Don't get me wrong, I am definitely not 'there' (wherever there is) but I now am able to more consciously honour the space and softness that I need to feel my way through this life. For that I give thanks. I give thanks to all of my painful experiences, all the of the loss, tears, and suffering because they gave me no other choice but to soften and open to love.

There comes a point in the journey where holding on to your old stories and ways of being is too painful; when resisting the almighty flow of Love becomes too unbearable.

I invite you to sit in the discomfort that comes from embracing the risk of opening your heart because on the other side of that discomfort and risk, is a blessing. Love.

What's in the way, is the way.

Softening your Resistance - Tips & Tricks ✨

♡ Three simple mantras to follow in daily life

✨ I can find softness. 

✨ I am open to new perspectives.

✨ I stay aligned with Love.

♡ Relaxation begins in the face

If and when you notice yourself in a state of resistance or stiffness bring your attention to the face and see if you can soften and relax there.

✨ Unclench your jaw.

✨ Release your eyebrows.

✨ Massage your temples.

♡ Breath Release

✨Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth.

✨ Add sound to your sigh on the exhale for extra relaxation. (Place your mouth in an AAH shape for the exhale)

✨ Remember to do this at random intervals through the day to release stress and tension.

So much love, genuinely

Ciara Nicole X