How Can I Build Self Confidence?

"What about baby killers!?" one of my student's exclaimed in the middle of an intense debate in our afternoon philosophy class.

This kind of question comes up every time I have taught the Yamas & Niyamas (the ethical principles of Yoga), without fail. It seems to be an important part of the process to explore the most extreme situations that call the validity of the teaching into question. During that lesson, we were exploring the first Yama - Ahimsa which is Non-Volence and the Yoga Sutra that details the teaching of this Yama is as follows;

'In the presence of one established in non-violence, all hostility ceases.'

Alongside the baby killer comment were a lot of responses regarding the "idealistic", "unrealistic" and "utopian" nature of the statement.

After a while, I asked the class if they resonated with what the sutra was teaching beyond what they thought was realistic, "Does it make sense for you to live in a compassionate way?".

The answer was unanimously yes.

"Why then" I asked, "Is it so important for you to disprove the statement?"

The discussion continued and carried us through a wonderful exploration of ideas and perspectives which is what I love so much about Yoga Philosophy classes.

As we were packing away, I asked one of my students who was sat nearby how she was doing. She said she liked when I has asked "Why was it so important to disprove the statement" and hadn't followed the rest of the lesson as she had been contemplating this question.

I asked if she had come to any conclusion and, after a short pause, she expressed that the reason, for her at least, that disproving this statement was important was due to fear. "Do you have any idea what the root of the fear is?" I asked.

Again, after another longer pause this time, she said "Well if the statement is true, then it's my responsibility to be that person who is established in non-violence and acts upon what the sutra is telling us, and that's scary".

"Bingo" I smiled. "I think you're onto something".

I had two startling realisations whilst teaching that afternoon philosophy class, the first of which I expressed passionately in the form of a question to the class;

"Where did you learn that a happy and peaceful world is unrealistic?"

The second, came from the incredible self-awareness of the student who reflected on the question after class.

Often, we are spending energy trying to disprove or avoid reality because the responsibility necessary to embody that reality is scary.

And that brings us to the question at the beginning of this entry, Why do I struggle with Self-Confidence?

My answer to that is, as always, through a mirrored perspective of the micro and macro experience.

Lack of confidence in the Self is lack of confidence in the world, and vice versa.

As long we continue to affirm the thoughts that a non-violent world where those that radiate compassion have the power to soften the hearts of those around them, is 'idealistic' and 'unrealistic', that is the world we will continue to experience.

The Self is a reflection of the entire universe and if we lack faith and confidence in one, it shows itself in the other.

I am not saying this is a click-of-the fingers sort of situation and I totally feel you on the fear front.

However, If you are genuinely serious about wanting to build self-confidence, it is necessary to start stepping up to the responsibility required to navigate situations that scare you.

Stop waiting for somebody else to solve the problem, you are somebody, and so am i!

Cultivating Self-Confidence - Tips & Tricks✨

♡ Daily Gratitude

Take time every day to list (either in a journal or speaking them out loud) all the things you feel grateful about from that day. This can be a nice practice just before bed as you review the day before falling to sleep. We need to make friends with the world we live in if we want to cultivate confidence in it, and that starts with a mindset shift of looking for things to be grateful about.

♡ Reflect on the Roots of your Resistance

As an exercise, get clear on one belief that you hold around confidence. Take a few moments and some deep breaths to relax before meditating on the question "Where did I learn this belief?". This is a meditation exercise so ask the question internally and wait for any response that you may receive in the form of images, sounds, childhood memories etc. Take a note in your journal afterwards.

♡ Read the Yoga Sutras

Reading classic literature has a powerful effect on the mind whether or not the content is your usual go-to. You might like to read a one-sutra-a-day to set a theme and intention for yourself or simply make your way through as you would any other book. I can personally recommend Ashtanga Yoga - Gregor Maehle as one version to get you started.

So much love, genuinely,

Ciara Nicole X

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